At the end of the hall, an old grandfather clock chimed twelve times.
Keiko said, “We’ve finished just in time.”
Haru replied, “I haven’t made Japanese food before, so I’m sorry if I slowed you down.”
“It’s fine, Haru-kun. What matters is that we got it done.”
Keiko rushed to the table. As she did, her attention was drawn to the window. There was a figure outside, a horseman. Both the horse and the rider were red, clothes and body. They rode into the distance.
“I think I’m noticing a pattern,” Keiko muttered.
Baba Yaga walked down the stairs.
“Is the food ready yet?” the old witch asked.
Haru answered, “It is, grandmother.”
Erik stepped forward as Baba Yaga walked to the table.
“Lady Baba Yaga,” he said. “Your house is admirable.”
A smile crossed her face, “Thank you, dear. I’ve spent over a thousand years working on it.”
“You have an incredible sense of interior decoration. Is it some sort of magic spell?”
Baba Yaga sat down at the table, “No, it’s simply a skill. Why don’t I give you the basics of it?”
“No thank you,” the vampire said. “Interior decoration is a bit sissy. It isn’t baddass.”
“Are you suggesting I’m not a baddass?” she narrowed her eyes.
Erik replied, “No, nothing of the sort.”
“Then you will learn interior decoration from me when lunch is over,” Baba Yaga commanded.
At that moment, Erik regretted his life choices.
After lunch had finished, Baba Yaga clenched Keiko’s arm and yanked her to the side. Her cold eyes looked into Keiko’s face. It was like she was looking into her very soul.
Baba Yaga said, “I need to talk to Erik. In the meantime, I have a task for you.”
“What is it?” Keiko asked.
The old witch answered, “You will go into my basement and bring me ten rat tails.”
“Okay…”
“Here’s a sword,” Baba Yaga waved her arm and a sword appeared in her hand. “Take it and use it to kill the rats.”
She walked away.
Keiko looked over the sword. It was a one-handed Western-style sword; however, whoever made it didn’t know what they were doing. The sword was too light to do real damage, its edge was dull, and it was unbalanced.
“I have a crappy sword and have been ordered to kill rats.” Keiko said, “What is this, an RPG?”
Haru explained, “Grandmother’s been obsessed with games recently. Whenever she’s not cooking or casting some spell, she spends her time playing. It’s what she was doing in her room.”
She was surprised, “I never thought that a witch would like video games.”
“It’s really annoying.” he complained, “She uses my gaming console to play them and I never get to be on it.”
“I’ve never played a video game…hang on!” Keiko realized something.
“What is it, Keiko-chan?” Haru asked.
“We’re here talking about video games,” she answered. “When I’ve been told by Baba Yaga to kill rats!”
An ‘oh, shit’ look crossed Haru’s face, “You’re right! The basement is this way!”
He ran over to a door and opened it. Keiko looked down and saw stairs descending into darkness below.
Haru gave her an oil lamp, “Watch out for the legs. That sword won’t hurt them, but it will startle them.”
“Legs? What legs?” Keiko said.
“The chicken legs. You’ll see when you get down her.”
Keiko crept down the steps. Her lamp illuminated the basement. The first thing she noticed was the pair of massive chicken legs that were below the house. They jutted out from too floor joists.
“I guess the legends are true. Baba Yaga’s hut has chicken legs,” she said.
She looked around, and saw a group of rats. They scurried away and disappeared into holes.
Keiko spoke, “Haru-kun said that I’d need to help animals in case Baba Yaga gave me tasks to complete. Maybe the fox could help me, but it isn’t here.”
She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, “I doubt it could get into Baba Yaga’s hut. Anzu!”
The demoness appeared out of thin air, “Thou hast called me, boss?”
“Yes,” Keiko nodded. “There’s something I need you to do.”
“Please tell me it isn’t maid work,” Anzu groaned.
“It isn’t maid work,” she reassured her.
“I thank thee,” the demon breathed a sigh of relief, “What is it?”
Keiko said, “I need you to kill ten rats, give me their tails, and leave.”
Anzu scowled, “Dost thou take me for a churl? Thou art using a demon as a pest exterminator!”
“Do I need to bring Haru down here?”
“No, no,” Anzu freaked out, “I shall slay thine rats.”
Close to dinnertime, Baba Yaga held the rat tails in her hand.
“Congratulations. You killed ten rats. I suppose you’re good for something,” Baba Yaga said.
“It wasn’t that easy.” Keiko tried to be humble, “I mean, you gave me a pretty bad sword. I guess you really did base this on an RPG.”
Baba Yaga lied, “Yes. It’s a bad sword because the task was based on an RPG. Of course I know how to make swords.”
“You don’t know how to make swords?” Haru asked.
“No, no,” she shook her head, “I know how to make swords. There isn’t much to it. You just cast a spell and the sword is there. It’s not like you need to know about swords to use it properly.”
“Then could you make me a sword?” Erik asked, “I don’t have any scimitars.”
Baba Yaga blurted out an excuse, “There is no spell for making scimitars.”
Haru was confused, “The spellbook you gave me said that there is an incantation for making scimitars.”
“You’re right. Silly me. I just don’t know the spell myself.”
“You don’t know how to make swords, do you?” Erik said.
Baba Yaga ran to the kitchen, “Oh, would you look at that, I need to make dinner. I almost forgot.”
She pounded with a knife and pretended to ignore everyone.
Keiko said, “She doesn’t seem so dangerous when she’s like this.”
“Don’t be fooled, grandmother is dangerous,” Haru replied, “But she acts like a somewhat normal person when she isn’t being dangerous.”
“That’s pretty strange. I’d think she’d be more dark and mysterious,” Keiko stated.
“And this is why we witches never let our clients see what we do in our spare time,” he stated, “It ruins our image.”
Erik nodded, “I can relate. If people saw what I do on the internet, they’d never take me seriously as a vampire unless I tried to kill them.”
“What do you do on the internet?” Haru said.
“There’s no way I’m telling you that.”
Haru speculated, “Do you watch loads of internet porn?”
“Everyone does that,” Erik scoffed, “My reputation would be perfectly intact if people figured that out.”
Haru and Keiko shared a look of doubt.
“Well, I know what you do,” Keiko said.
“And what do you think that is?” Erik smirked.
She stated, “You make videos of viking movies and TV shows and point out every way they’re inaccurate.”
The vampire’s eyes widened in shock, “How did you know?”
“It’s from something I hid from my family,” Keiko said, pulling out her phone and opening a video app.
On it was a channel called ‘Vintage Viking’ that had an image of Erik in his natural red hair on it. Erik fell backward and landed on the floor.
“My reputation as a vampire is ruined,” he moaned. “No one could take a vampire who spends their spare time making internet videoes seriously.”
“Cheer up, Erik,” Haru said, “You’re still a great vampire to us.”
Erik put his hands over his face, “That’s even worse!”
Ved'ma Story 